a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize