The maid of honor just puked.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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