I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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