3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
