i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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