Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize