I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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