Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
