my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
