There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize