SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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