GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
