you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
