Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
