I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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