U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
