I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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