Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
