I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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