just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
