you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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