I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
