Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
