I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you.
Bad choice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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