Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
