Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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