went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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