Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
