For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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