I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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