I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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