Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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