I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
