I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
