And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
