I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
