This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't make out with my wife yet
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
