Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
