does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
