The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
