I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
