Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
