Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
