okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
