Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
