Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
