I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
