i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
