Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
