Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
