My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
