matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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