i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
