I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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