I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
