I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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