i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
