Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
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you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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