He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
