he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
