I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
