I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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