You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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