I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
