is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
